To whom it may concern:

Should you choose to ask Carissa to go on a date with you, it is important that you are aware of some key benefits and hazards to dating her.

• She will listen intently to your stories, anecdotes, and feelings. However, she is terrible at telling her own stories. Pretend to be interested anyway.
• She will always reach for the check, but you will probably end up paying. Be careful how you handle this situation, as you do not want to risk setting off a feminist rant.
• She will try very hard to refrain from talking during movies. She is still working on this habit, but she tries valiantly.
• She will graciously allow you to win at any athletic activity you do on your date while playfully talking trash. Unless you take her to the batting cages, in which case she will kick your $#%!^&$ a$$.
• She will only curse if she is very nervous. This will subside over time.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

Sincerely,

Her Previous Dates

P.S. Be careful of her dad. He’s a live wire.