Here’s the rub.

(“There’s the rub” is an old-fashioned phrase I learned in an old-fashioned book I’m reading.)

The rub (read: the problem, the pitfall) with leading a small group of young women and one-on-one discipling is pride and fear, which, when combined, are not a pretty sight.

I am so filled with pride and a desire to constantly be the center of attention and constantly be affirmed and acknowledged,

and so filled with the fear of being overshadowed and the fear of not being the best at everything,

that when one of the girls I’m entrusted with to disciple and mentor does something noteworthy, or worth affirmation, I coil back and instinctively try to suppress the pride I feel for her and minimize her accomplishments. Maybe not blatantly, and maybe not directly, but it is there – it is subconscious and it is implied in the way I interact with her.

And this is hindering to my ability as a leader. A servant leader.

Is what I’m doing an attempt to bring glory to myself, or am I genuinely rejoicing in the victories of others?

Jesus, conquer my sin and pride and fear and utter selfishness. I cannot do so on my own.

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One thought on “Here’s the rub.

  1. Thank you Carissa for your honesty on your blog. In many situations I find myself clinging to the promise found in Psalm 6:8-10. God hears your prayer and he is faithful! Press on.

    Like

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